Seagalology - The Study of Steven Seagal

Welcome to the Seagalology web site, devoted to the study of Steven Seagal. What is Seagalology? Have you ever watched a Steven Seagal movie and wondered if you've already seen it before? Did it seem oddly familiar, and not just because Steven Seagal is incapable of showing any emotion? That's because every Steven Seagal film follows a very specific formula and design in terms of plot, characters and of course Steven Seagal. This page is dedicated to that formula. Why? Because somebody had to do it.

Also many movies have been updated! Kill Switch (formerly A Higher Form of Learning and Pistol Whipped updated! New movie called Ruslan!! Holy shit!!

Two updates within three months? It must be something special!



Hey guys, I know it's been like, over a year... does anyone still come here? Anyone? Oh well. At least I have an update in 2007. Updated yearly! Anyway we have some new films for you: Pistol Whipped and A Higher Form of Learning, both due in 2008. The info for Urban Justice (formerly Once Upon a Time in the Hood which did not fit the formula very well). That's all I've got for now, see you kids next year (hopefully)!

Long time no see, eh? Okay, I have no idea if anyone even reads this page any more because it's kind of been a long time since I updated it. But hey, it's on my resume so I may as well make it seem like I haven't abandoned it. I have no news to report except I updated a couple movies. Some titles changed and some plots changed. Turns out Harvester was totally faked and now it's called Attack Force and has a totally different plot. Ah well. Also Enemy of the Unseen was renamed to Flight of Fury which fits the formula much better. Still takes place in Banansistan though. Keen. Also Under Seige 3 (on the hoaxes page now) was apparently fake. Frowny face.

And that's all I have to say I think! I changed the menu a little so you can now view all released/unreleased/hoax movies if you like. Or not, I don't care. See you guys in a couple months or something!

It has been many months since my last update, but I bring good tidings! If anyone still reads this site, that is. Mercenary for Justice was released last week (or today, but I think it was last Tuesday), much to the elation of the Seagal army. It currently has a score of 4.9 out of 10 on IMDB, so good job there! Also you can check out more info and a poster for the newly renamed Shadow Man, formerly known as Shadows of the Past. It's about terrorists and kidnappings and the poster has Seagal holding a gun!

Also, two new (possible) Seagal projects have been announced! Enemy of the Unseen and Prince of Pistols. If you have any info on either of these movies, tell me! Even if you just make shit up I'll still probably post it because I pride myself on having less integrity than Drudge! I do have more fact-checkers, though.

Finally a big 'hi-howdy' out to all the awesome folks in Macedonia. This site was linked on On.net and as a result my daily hits have gone up four fold! I can't read a damned thing in that article, so I will assume they have only said nice things. Thanks fellas! You guys are a-okay by me!

Four more years movies! Long time, no see, kids. I trust you all had a good holiday season and New Years and all that garbage. It's late January now though, so that's all long forgotten, but my last update was before Thanksgiving (in the US), so I figured I may as well mention that.

In more exciting news, Steven Seagal will have four movies out this year (if you count the Onion movie)! I've been hard at work updating some of the movies and adding stuff as I learn the ever-exciting details! That includes Mercenary being renamed to Mercenary for Justice (to my elation) and the announcement of Harvester (which sounds promising).

Also I want to thank all you who e-mailed me. I am very lazy, but I do read my e-mail. I'd add a comments section but I'm lazy I don't want to be swarmed by retarded comments... my retarded comments more than fulfill the retarded comment quota for this website. I don't need any amateur retarded commenters degrading the value of the site.

Speaking of which, my newfound nemesis, Vern was among those who e-mailed me. After Vern insulted my intelligence by insinuating I don't know how to reply to e-mail (even though I explained why I answered here instead of in e-mail), he went on to inform me that he was not upset that I had come up with a similar idea to his:

And like I said we are doing very different approaches so it should be okay. For example I have watched the movies and know what they're about. You should really watch ON DEADLY GROUND, it will change your life, and that's a promise. Unless you already know what it takes to change the essence of a man.

Anyway good luck with all your endeavors, I will crush you, etc.

I'm not sure what Vern is trying to say here, but I think he might be coming on to me. Well, Vern, I'm flattered, and I enjoy your work and your tireless ability to watch Steven Seagal movies, but I'm afraid I just don't swing that way. It's okay though, I'm sure there's someone special out there for you. And failing that maybe you can get a cat or something.

That's all for today, so I'll probably see you guys again in a month or two, unless I get ambitious (don't count on it). Until then, remember that Mercenary for Justice will be out in April! It's gonna be awesome!

I shouldn't make it a habit to update so much, but this is almost like having a blog, so I may end up addicted and start complaining about George Bush and stuff. I hope not though. First off, thanks to everyone who's sent me e-mail with suggestions and corrections; most of them should be in place now. You know who you are! A very specific thanks to Steven Clark who sent me corrections on three movie plots.

I also got an e-mail from one Vern H., who apparently is creator of the field of Seagalogy, which of course would be the proper, but less fun-to-say term for the study of Seagal. I didn't reply to his e-mail, because I don't reply to any e-mail since I'm a heartless bastard. However I did check out his site which you probably can't access now since it's hosted by Geocities which allows around four page views per day before killing a site:

My goal since day 1 has been to study each one of these movies closer than any sane person would, come out the other end alive and then present my findings. So it's taking longer but for me anyway it will be worth the wait. Hopefully somebody will agree.

This makes me feel better about myself. I thought I was crazy for making a web page and paying $2 a year for a domain name (I get free hosting thanks to my friend at Mancunet), but this guy is actually dedicated to studying Seagal and his movies. I don't know exactly what to make of that, but it's the internet so I guess I should just be happy he's not drawing pictures of anthropomorphic animals with gigantic wangs.

Finally, just for the record, I had never heard of Vern H. or Seagalogy before. The only way I could have known about it was if I had been an avid reader of Ain't It Cool News and their (cough) wonderful forums and comments. The thing is, I try not to look at that site because it makes my eyes bleed. Seriously Harry, what's with the gigantic font?

Just for the record, I do know that the proper naming convention for 'the study of Steven Seagal' would be 'Seagalogy', but I feel that 'Seagalology' rolls off the tongue better. Plus it has lol in it, which I find amusing. But I'm easily amused.

As for Seagal/this site news, Black Dawn has a poster. Or rather it has a DVD cover, since it won't actually be in theaters (shocking, I know). Amazingly enough it's got a picture of Seagal holding a gun. No blue tint, but there is a large explosion in the background. I noticed that two of his last three (and now three of his last four once Black Dawn is released) DVD covers have had explosions on them (Into the Sun and Today You Die), so I made a slight revision to the formula to reflect this. Explosions appear to be the new blue tint. Black Dawn will be released on December 26th, 2006, but you can pre-order it on Amazon or any other DVD selling place. Not that they're going to run out of them. Ever.

Other than that, reception of the site has been pretty good. I've gotten a couple e-mails with suggestions and compliments and one guy seemed to really want me to register with some search engines and web directories. No hate mail yet, but maybe with time. They say you know you've made it when you get hate mail. I don't know who 'they' are (or if they even said it; I may have just made that up), but I guess it makes sense...

Hello and welcome to the grand opening of Seagalology, which is a page devoted to the study of Steven Seagal! Feel free to browse around, and send any complaints, comments, compliments, concerns and all that to cyb@seagalology.com, and enjoy the site!