The Onion Movie (2008)

So we all know that The Onion is a pretty funny site. This movie is a series of sketches, one of which is a coming of age trailer about a martial artist named Cock Puncher who learns the ways of, uh, punching cocks. Steven Seagal is Cock Puncher! Like most of Seagal's movies this is a direct to DVD release, however unlike the rest of them it has an IMDB rating above six! In fact it's actually the highest-rated movie on IMDB with Seagal in the cast. Best Seagal movie ever?
Pistol Whipped (2008)

From IMDB: Matt is an elite ex-cop whose life has gone down hill since he was kicked off the Force. After a rough encounter with a mysterious henchman, Matt is brought face to face with his only chance at reclaiming his life and clearing his gambling debt markers. Only after he gets started on his new tasks does he recognize good guy from bad. Meanwhile Matt's love for his only daughter helps him battle one of his greatest enemies, alcoholism.

I'm sad because this messes up the two word rule (it's noun verb instead of verb noun, but it's close enough I guess, 'Whipped Pistol' would have been better) but other than that it looks ace. Although throwing alcoholism in there is a nice change of pace. I look forward to a drunken and disorderly Steven Seagal. Also just to make sure you know this movie has guns in it, not only does the title have the word 'pistol' in it, but there is a picture of a pistol in the title logo. Also Seagal (whose face is largest on the box) is holding a pistol. Also another guy on the box is holding a pistol. Did I mention there are pistols in this movie?
Kill Switch (2008)
'His rules. His way. No exceptions.'

Kill Switch is actually written by Steven Seagal and also features him as a "Memphis police detective [who] deals with the traumatic childhood memory of his brother's murder by devoting hislife to hunting down serial killers." Just in case that wasn't enough Seagal's cop girlfriend is killed in this movie. Killed by serial killers, not terrorists, but that's a minor qualm. The original name for this movie was A Higher Form of Learning which pretty much destroyed the title rule, however to much joy it was changed to Kill Switch which fits the two word rule perfectly (assuming it is the switch which does the killing). The cover is a classic, with Seagal holding a gun and his face taking up most of the space. No blue tint or explosion, but we can't have everything I guess.